Trashy fondue

The husband and I were invited to a Canadian Tuxedo party, as I mentioned in a previous entry. The whole idea is to wear denim and eat trashy food. My kind of party.

We were unable to attend due to the husband's germs, which are suspiciously flu-like.

This is unfortunate as I had procured some FUBU overalls for him and a black denim mini-skirt for me from our local Goodwill. Guess I'll be donating those right back.

Rather than miss all the fun, I brought the food party to us.

May I humbly present...Trashy Fondue for Two.

Really this is my mom's queso recipe. I grew up eating it at all our family parties...good times. The recipe came to me in a pdf file- I love technology!

Mom says she got this recipe from her aunt, a Oklahoma native now residing in New Mexico. I'll believe her, even though the recipe is scribbled on Park Cities Baptist Church letterhead- From the Desk of Mrs. Gena Hestand, Minister to Senior Adults. If only Mrs. Gena had known about this queso...she could have had a fiesta for those geriatrics!

Cast of characters: diced tomatoes (Mom would use Ro-Tel), a medium onion, 4 oz. green chile, sour cream (only used light because that's what was in the fridge), and 1 pound Velveeta

Dice up your onion. In a sauce pan over medium-low heat, add a teaspoon of olive oil and saute onions until soft. You don't want to brown them, so keep the heat moderate and stir frequently.

Behold the Velveeta. Sacred foodstuff of the South and all-around nutritional marvel.



Dice up the Velveeta into cubes. This is a picture of my knife STUCK in the Velveeta. Seriously. It was caught in a web of non-cheese particles. Good thing I've been working out- showed that cheez who's boss.



Throw the cheez cubes into the pan with the softened onions.

Stir in the tomatoes with their juice, chile, and sour cream. My mom's original recipe calls for 1 cup sour cream. I only had 1/4 cup. Tasted fine to me with less, but you should probably listen to my mom. She's smart.



While you're waiting for the cheez to fully melt and become one with the other ingredients, you can prepare the dippers for your trashy fondue. I sauteed up some cheese & garlic sausage (please note that it is 35% less fat- I'm all about healthy eating) and roasted some mushrooms & Brussels sprouts in the oven. The veggies took about 20-30 minutes at 450. Cook the sausage til it's done & no longer pink.


Once the queso is ready, it'll look like this. Warm, melty, cheezy goodness. If you were having a party, you could do this in the crockpot and keep on low.


Assemble your fondue platter. I artfully arranged Trader Joe's Salsa Tortilla chips on one side, and layered the sausage chunks- cut on a diagonal to make 'em classy- over the Brussels sprouts & mushrooms.


Queso a'la Mom a'la Aunt Shay

1 medium onion, diced
1 4 oz. can green chile
1 can 14.5 oz. stewed tomatoes
1 lb. Velveeta
1 cup sour cream

As with most of mom's recipes, there are no instructions. So...you can follow my detailed process above OR just dump them all together and heat until cheez melts. Serve with chips or just a spoon. This make about 4-5 cups of queso which is more than anyone should eat alone. Be sure to share.

Roast turkey with braised brussel sprouts

Has anyone seen that Perdue commercial about the mom who has "roasterphobia"?

See this if you haven't.

Anyways, the premise is that roasting poultry is SO scary and hard to do, and now Perdue has come in with its pop up timer to make sure that we never have to think again.

Boo to the pop up timer! Roasting is NOT THAT HARD. I swear. You must try it- preferably with some good turkey breast. I bought my kosher split turkey breast from Trader Joe's. It comes presoaked and salted (think- brined), which helps keep it juicy.

Nigella is the one who helped me understand the key to good roast chicken/turkey. You should

read this:

It will teach you the basics in such a conversational and easy to understand way. It's more than just recipes- it's part-diary, part-encyclopedia, part-cookbook. It's my go-to guide for most cooking questions...my modern Joy of Cooking (a book I don't own and probably won't ever).

At any rate, I could discuss my girl-crush on Ms. Lawson ad nauseum, but I'll move onto the turkey.

Roast chicken basics: 400 degree oven, 15 minutes per pound + 10 minutes. Use a meat thermometer if you're really skittish- meat should register 165 (the FDA says 180- use your own discretion).





You'll need the following:

Split turkey breast- mine is 2.4 lbs
Olive oil
Sea Salt (I said goodbye to Morton's sometime circa 2003)
Pepper
Roasting pan with rack
*Note- if you don't have a roasting pan, don't rush out an buy one. If you have a cookie sheet/jelly rolly pan (gotta have some sides to catch the grease) & a cookie cooling rack, you could substitute those. Heck, you could skip the cooling rack altogether and put this turkey directly on the cookie sheet, but the rack will help with the circulation of heat & provide more even roasting.

Here's how I do it:

Before you unwrap the turkey- do this:
Preheat the oven to 400- you will have this turkey breast prepped before the oven is ready to go- it's THAT fast.
Put some oil (eyeball a 1/4 cup) in a bowl. Add a few generous pinches of sea salt and 4-5 grinds of black pepper.





Place bowl inside the roasting pan.


I swear- there is a method to my madness!






THEN, and only then, unwrap the turkey breast and place it on the rack next to the bowl.

Don't bother with rinsing it- I never do.

Why is the olive/salt/pepper paste prepared in advance and placed in the rack?

For ease of use, of course.

Once you touch that raw bird, your hands need to keep off any other surfaces to avoid cross-contamination. With the oil mixture pre-mixed and in the pan, you can scoop/pour/rub the turkey breast to your hearts desire without icking up anything else.

Now, gently separate the skin from the meat. Pour some of the oil/salt/pepper under the skin and rub it around. Pour some on top of the skin and rub that in- pretend you're putting sunscreen on a fair maiden- you want to make sure you cover all the important bits. Now, flip the breast over, and add some of that good oil on the bottom- it needs love, too.

It should look like this when you're done oiling it up:


Move to the sink and scrub those hands BEFORE putting the pan into the oven. I was watching Food Network the other day and Anne Burrell was touching everything with her raw turkey-juiced hands- EW!

After you're cleaned up, place the pan in the middle of the oven, set the timer for 60 minutes and take the dog for a walk.










After coming in from the cold, and once there are about 20 minutes left on the clock, start your brussel sprouts.

I know, who eats brussel sprouts any more? Didn't they go the way of lima bean?

No, and here's why. When prepared properly (read- braised), they.are.delicious. Sublime, even.

Prep ~12 oz. of sprouts. If your brussel sprouts are large, slice in half. In a large saute pan, add 2 tablespoons of olive oil and heat on medium until shimmering slightly.

Add brussels.

Let them get some color, stirring occassionally. You want to brown the outside to give them some depth of flavor and bring out their natural nuttiness.










Color on brussel sprouts looks like this:

See that gorgeous sprout in the lower right hand corner? You want that on 80% of the sprouts before you move to the next step.

Once you've achieved proper brussel browning, add ~1/2 cup chicken broth. Immediately cover with the lid and let brussels steam and get tender for 5-10 minutes.

Uncover, sprinkle with a bit of sea salt, and add a pat of butter (think a tablespoon). This butter step is optional, but it creates a luscious glaze that coats the sprouts and makes them even more irresistible. Scouts Honors.

In the end, the brussel sprouts look like this:


You will like these brussel sprouts, even if you are a skeptic. Even if you don't like food, you will like these sprouts. My mother-in-law, who only loves Cameo cookies, sneaks these out of the pan before dinner.








By now, your turkey should be done. I'd show you a picture of that finished product, but the husband came home and promptly stripped the bird of all it's crunchy skin, leaving it naked and less than photo-ready.

Let turkey breast stand at least 10 minutes before carving to let the juices redistribute- again, this keeps it juicy.

We ate this last night and drank some 2 buck Chuck Cabernet alongside. Very classy, indeed.